Our Ever Changing Currents

The TriMet region of Oregon is a place of rivers.

In fact, within a 50 mile radius of the greater Portland Metropolitan area, there are roughly 32 waterways. Not all of them are easily accessible and some are really just creeks reaching for something greater, but many of them, while unique in vegetation and flow, are, in some way, connected.

Since moving to Oregon, I’ve been contemplating rivers. Where they start. Where they end. How their waters intermingle, flowing into each other only to later diverge and forge entirely separate paths.

But in the end, regardless of where they begin, how raging their rapids might be or what they pick up, carry and set down along the way, one thing is for sure: they all end at the sea.

Recently a dear friend asked me if I planned to continue writing my Saturday letters, and if so, could I “please write about the grief of love”.

I can think of no better metaphor for the ever-changing currents of human relationships than the life of a river.

Much like rivers, we too widen and deepen as we open our hearts to the confluence of someone joining us on our path. Carving out space for them to live within us, we become two channels surging as one, our waters forever changed.

But when a loved one exits our story, be it through death or decision, their waters begin to branch off and flow in new directions, taking parts of us with them and leaving parts of themselves behind.

This shift can leave our waters in upheaval. It can make it difficult to see fully into our depths, to remember who we were before they lived within us. Difficult to see how we might continue onward without them.

I will not tell you how to grieve; I only ask that you do so.

Because building a dam in your heart means never meeting the sea, and love is nothing if not determination to continue living.

So dance your way through it, my friend. Let your current slow and swirl as you see fit. Turn your waters inward and connect with the crevices made by loving, and love. Love the world around you but love yourself more. Nurture your muddied waters by letting the debris settle. Howl at the moon, and listen for the breeze as it whispers its support.

I promise, further downstream, your current will regain its strength.

Heart in my hand in yours,